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Working New Zealand from a different perspective

I came into this plane of existence from the spirit realm several years ago, taking the usual route through my mothers vagina. By that stage, some white colonialists had pretty much taken over the place. On some islands in the Pacific they were busy chopping down trees to plant marshmallows on the hills. They left a few trees standing so that they could pack tourists onto buses and show them how many trees they still had standing. Agriculture flourished as precious foreign currency was milked from the tourists wallets and they jumped off bridges into quasi-suicidal joyous oblivion, only to be caught by a rubber band and sprung back up to be milked again another day.

Some of the less milkable tourists were put to work in the vineyards, producing precious booze for the colonialists. They talked about the size of the locals cellphones and the sameness of all people, seeing only themselves reflected in everybody that they met. These tourists of the world were given rather a raw deal from dodgey contractors who would take on far too many of them in order to fill contracts they couldnt afford and then lay them off at random when work ran low.

The more fortunate tourists worked in the orchards picking cherries to be sold in Japan for a buck each. They worked under much more favourable conditions since they worked directly for an orchard owner. This gave the added benefit of discounted onsite accommodation in many cases.

The tourists almost without exception drove around in poorly running and occasionally dangerous vans which they bought in Auckland for way too much money. This gave them something else to talk about besides when each of their visas would run out and how ignorant and old-fashioned the locals were. These vans could be seen parked at most rest areas except perhaps in the small hamlet of Alexandra, where ignorant and old-fashioned locals would write obscene messages of hatred on the windows for no particular reason. Alexandra is what happens when you take a white-picket-fence suburb and leave it out in the desert for twenty years. Deprived of their mall, the residents turn on each other in oft-repeated drunken brawls and attempt to impress girls they are probably related to. This results in a town with one cop per square inch of scorched earth and a river of shitass boyracer cars that meanders through the KFC drive-thru every weekend.

So in summary, try and work on orchards and not vineyards if possible (or else as a bartender or waitress if youre pretty), NEVER work for contractors, dont go to Alex and remember that travel does not constitute a meaningful personal experience, no matter how long the flight was. This requires independent thought processes and self-actualisation to avoid acting out a TV show or walking around with a mirror infront of your face.

Submitted by: Hayden McLean
Date submitted: 24/10/2011 2:47:09 AM

Apple grading & stacking Fri Jun 8

Grape picking Fri Jun 8

Blueberry picking Fri Jun 8

Hop work in Motueka Tue May 16

Working as an apple packer in Motueka Mon May 9

Working for free accommodation in Wellington Thu Mar 24

From working holiday visa to a resident Thu Mar 24

From the big city to the field of kiwi fruit Thu Mar 24

Working with Kiwi fruit Thu Mar 24

The Christmas rush Mon Feb 29

Packing kiwifruit in Motueka Mon Feb 29

Asparagus picking Mon Feb 29

put on your work clothes, roll up your sleeves and get out there Tue May 27


The Gorilla Hut Sun May 26

Working in sales in NZ Mon May 13

Life as an apple picker Mon May 13

Marahau Sun May 5

hanging nets at isabel vinyard Mon Mar 25

Farm stay Tue Feb 5

Berry-Picking and Ice-Cream Making Tue Dec 18

Vineyard Work in Blenheim Sun Nov 25

Working As A "Milkman" Sat Aug 4

Being an au-pair Thu Aug 2

Grape harvesting in Central Otago Thu Aug 2

Whenever Wed Jun 6

Picking up the oil in Tauranga Mon May 21

Onion grading Sat May 12

Omarama, Place of Light Tue Apr 3

Napier or the job war Sun Apr 1

Some helpful tips Wed Feb 29

Fruit picking in Central Otago Mon Feb 27

Some useful tips Thu Feb 16

Fruit picking in Motueka Wed Jan 18

Where Do We Go From Here Tue Dec 20

Picked it, Packed it, Buggered Off! Tue Dec 20

Seasonal jobs COULD change your very life as you know it Tue Dec 20

I work to live, I donít live to work Mon Dec 19

I only had $100 to my name Sun Nov 20

Odd Jobs In Central Otago Sun Nov 20

Peach thinning working experience Sun Nov 20

The young vines were frosted over Sun Nov 20

The work found me Sun Nov 20

Working for Watties Factory Mon Oct 24

Working New Zealand from a different perspective Mon Oct 24

I had always been dreaming about coming to New Zealand Mon Oct 24

My first job in vineyards was stripping Mon Oct 24

My happiness was indescribable Tue Oct 18

Working in a Packhouse in Auckland Tue Oct 18

Working on a vineyard in Blenheim Tue Oct 18

Cycling in New Zealand not friendly Tue Oct 18

Fruit Picking Tips for New Zealand Mon Aug 22

Whale and Dolphin Watching Sat Aug 13

Cherry Picking in Central Otago Sat Aug 13

16 Argentinian people living there, it was awesome! Tue Jul 26

No one got payslips, really crazy Sat Jul 23

picked apples at first Sat Jul 23

In 18 months I have worked with kiwi fruits, apples, two epic ski seasons and a travelling carnival Sat Jul 23

cash-in-hand odd jobs Sat Jul 23

A rugby team weíve beaten twice at the Rugby World Cup? Letís go teasing them! Sat Jul 23

Talking to strangers about charity Sat Jul 23

Fresh out of college Sat Jul 23

Working trees for $350 per week Sat Jul 23

German Windsurf Instructor in New Zealand Sun Jul 17

Vineyard work in South Island New Zealand Sun Jul 17

We had idea, get visa, sell everything and just go to New Zealand Sun Jul 17


Wilding Pines Sun Jul 17

boss was very nice and friendly Sun May 8

Vintage in Central Otago - Working in the Wine Industry Sun May 8

Mr Apple packhouse experience Mon May 2

North Island Notes Wed Apr 20

Fruitpicking in Napier Wed Apr 20

blueberry harvest season Thu Apr 7

bbq on the beach and if you lucky see some Dolphis too Thu Apr 7

Mate! You are on fire!! Sun Mar 20

The real vineyard work lowdown Fri Mar 11

I had pretty much run out of cash Wed Mar 9

The Land of New Zealand Mon Feb 28

Work in backpackers in exchange for accommodation Sat Feb 26

heard cattle on motorbikes Fri Feb 18

Traditional Maori hangi Thu Feb 17

Fortune Fruit and spitting cherry pits competitions Tue Feb 15

When I got to Whangamata... Sat Feb 12

I could romanticize itÖ Tue Dec 7

I thought it sounded interesting Tue Dec 7

My New Zealand adventure :) Wed Nov 3

Well I am from Mexico... Mon Oct 25

~New Zealand has no bandits and the relaxed lifestyle is second to none~ Fri May 14

New Zealand's got cheap banks!! Mon Apr 26

Tips from Latvia...yes not Russia ;) Tue Mar 16

First Job Thinning Apples... Mon Mar 1

Damn recession! Wed Feb 10

Loving New Zealand.. Mon Feb 8

From aircrafts to vineyard work in New Zealand.. Mon Feb 8

A Czech in New Zealand.. Fri Feb 5

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